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Every marriage is different, so every couple is going to have different factors at play when it comes to considering divorce. That said, according to Margaret Paul, Ph.D., relationship psychologist and co-founder of Inner Bonding, one thing every person considering divorce should do is ensure you’re addressing your own inner challenges and not focusing solely on what you believe is wrong with the other person.

“So many people base whether they leave on what’s going on with the other person, rather than what’s going on with themselves,” she explains. “I recommend people not to leave until they have done their own inner work and have learned to make themselves happy.”

In other words, it may be necessary to consider the ways that you’re contributing both to the relationship’s troubles and to your own unhappiness. Paul notes she’s seen many people leave too soon and “miss the opportunity to learn to take care of themselves within the relationship—and then, of course, the same issues come up again in the next relationship.”

Beyond doing your own inner work, it’s also sometimes possible to revive an unhappy marriage. As licensed therapist Jor-El Caraballo, LMHC, previously explained to mbg, “Reviving an unhappy or unfulfilling marriage starts first and foremost with a desire to have things change.” Are you both interested in working on this marriage and willing to take concrete steps necessary to do it? If the answer is no, then it might be time to leave.

And according to licensed marriage and family therapist, Weena Cullins, LCMFT, you’ll also want to consider whether you’re dealing with a temporary or long-term problem. “Some circumstances strain marriages to the point of breaking, while your feelings for your spouse remain intact. Consider how you might feel about the marriage if it were possible to change certain circumstances down the line,” she explains.

Wherever you are in your decision-making process, below are some signs it might be time to consider divorce or separation.

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